No words to describe

It was almost 2 in the morning of September 2 when I embraced my bed to sleep. The day seemed so long that I was thinking of a 12-hour long sleep. My cellphone really is in need of a new battery coz it could not last for 4 hours and easily gets drained. Since I was so tired, I forgot to charge my phone before sleeping.
My deep sleep was disturbed with the noise of the street, so I managed to wake up by 10:30. As usual, the first thing I did was to check my phone. It was so disgusting as it was off. The battery was drained. I then charged it and while waiting, i had a cup of very hot coffee; so great to start a new day.
When I turned on my cellphone, there were 5 messages; 1 from a friend, 2 from my girlfriend and another 2 from my mom. there was also 1 missed call. I checked the call first and found out that it came from my mother. I did not bother. I thought it was just an ordinary "monitoring call" from mom. Then I checked the messages. As i was looking at the first words of the messages, as they appeared on the screen, the first message from my mom shocked me. The message was short; " Your Lola Meling Passed Away at 2:30 this morning." I stopped for seconds. I cannot picture out that my Lola already passed away.
2 weeks earlier, as I don't have an exam, I was able to go home. That sunday, inside the church, while waiting for my girlfriend, I saw my Lola and noticed that she was alone. Usually, she is with my Aunt Helen. I approached her and she was so surprised when she saw me. It has been a month since the last time we saw each other. I immediately kissed her and "mano" as a sign of respect. The sunday service started. My girlfriend was still not around. And so i decided to remain seated with my lola. Nothing so unusual on her face. She smiled at me and asked me questions regarding my studies. When it was time for "sharing of God's peace," i kissed my Lola for the second time and after, left the seat and went into the seat of my girlfriend who was with her parents. As the worship continued, I was uneasy seeing my lola sitting alone. And so, i told my girlfriend if i could just leave her and sit with my lola. At first, she hesitated but later on agrees. For the whole duration of the service, I sat with my Lola. After the service, we bid goodbyes.(she usually goes home with her sister lola bebing. her house is just 100meters away from the church).

WHY?

In this world with so many uncertainties, one word is so powerful- Why. Why is the sun rising? Why is the moon round? Why is there war? So many questions, yet all start with the word why.
In our life, we may have used this word a thousand or million times. We may have answered some of them, but many are still pending.
The why in our lives only signifies that so many things are still to be searched in this world. So many things are still to be learned. And, so many things are yet to be discovered. Until we have this word in our minds, answers may come in. Until we have not find the answers, possibilities are open.
Now, as long as there are "whys" in this world, we have all the reasons to live. Why?

The So-called "Meaning of Life"

When we talk of meaning, we usually refer this as the definition of a word. A word may have a single or multiple meanings depending on its nature. But often, in giving a meaning we focus to its simplest term. But what if the meaning that we are looking for is the meaning of our life? Is it just like finding meaning of a word? Is there any similarity the two have?
In every person, answer may vary. One would say that the two are far from each other, or maybe some would say, part and parcel it is. But for me, yes. Finding meaning of our life is the same as finding meaning of a word on its simplest term.
When we give meaning to a word, we describe what the word is. We picture out its structure, purpose, and use. Every meaning we give is made up words. Without these words one cannot fully understand what a word implies. When we have all these things that comprise to formulate a meaning of word, then we say that it is the meaning.
In our life, to find meaning is the same as of the process of that of a word. Before we formulate meaning of our life, we need to gather things or parts of our “us” to weigh if these are part of that meaning. If we have already gathered the parts then we start to process it by making a structure of it. Of course to make a structure we should understand its purpose and use in order for it to have a firm hold. And then, we use letters of our lives to complete the meaning. But it’s just easy to say, but very hard to make.
The question now is that, what is this meaning of life that we are trying to establish or find out? What’s the connection of the purpose, use and letters of our lives to have this so –called meaning of life? For me, “meaning of life” is the compilation of all the things that happened into our lives, be it good or bad. What shaped us to what we are now are our experiences. Every time we experience something, it teaches us of a particular lesson. We add all these lessons to make it as our life. We may not see or feel how it works, but we can recognize this through the changes that are happening on us. Meaning may implicitly or explicitly come on our way. We can just fully embrace it if through the structure we made, we can put the letters that fit it. One cannot say that he/she finds the meaning of his/her life if one letter of his/her life is missing. One cannot say that he/she finds meaning of his/her life if he/she does not fully understands his/her life. One cannot say that he/she finds meaning of his/her life if he/she could not direct the purpose of his/her life. And of course, one cannot say that he/she finds meaning of his/her life if he/she doesn’t know the simplest term of the word of his/her life.
So many people are saying that they already have defined the meaning of their life. Many are saying that the meaning of their life is on the path they chose to take. But all are still vague. Everything is still a possibility of that “meaning of life.” But for me, one thing is should be considered, Meaning of Life is at the spirit of every person, it is the power that dictates of who we are and who we want to become. And it is the puzzle that is made up of the pieces of our experiences that if combined, would form a structure of true, firm and determined life that will pursue his/her existence until the end of his/her life. Just like a word, its meaning would remain for a lifetime.

Wisdom as Sensitivity for Human Life

We all know that in this world, tribulations and glories sometimes come equal in human life. Many people would say especially us Filipinos that don’t laugh too much because tears may come after. Of course this would really stop us from too much joy. We are afraid of that “after shock” that may happen. These things are just a reality that we people are not ready to accept whatever thing (pains) may come to our lives. We want everything to be in good and we always want to be good.
Wisdom as sensitivity for human life, in my own understanding, is a reflection and at the same time a step by step process of healing and learning. It is a reflection because it aims us human beings to understand all the things that came and will come in our lives in a deeper way. Meaning, that in every experience, be it good or bad there is this kind of questioning from us; why, how, and for what. For me, with these questions, it would enlighten our minds and open for another level of understanding it. The levels of understanding will undergo through various processes or it is step by step; from one point to another or from one answer to a new one. The processes depend on the person’s approach towards it. It is self seeking and finding. If a person has reached the level in which he/she now understands and is ready for the healing and learning, then the person has achieved the wisdom.
But it is not really simple. Confusions, frustrations, restless nights and broken heart
are there. That is why though it looks very simple to achieved, but it’s not. And not all people
could achieved this kind of wisdom.
In my own life, like all the others, problems and happiness are there. Sometimes I could
hardly accept the fact that it’s really happening. I would like to get rid of it and if possible escape from it. But life is really very colorful. The more you escape from it, the more it pushes you through it. This is the reason why I want to establish in me the wisdom presented by father Moga as sensitivity to my life. I want to overcome all things that may come in my life (the painful ones). I want to look at things in a broader perspective and be aware of the things that surround me. I want to be sensitive and flexible. With all these things, I know that slowly, I can establish this wisdom in my life.
My grandmother who died at 85 years old always had this line, “all things worth together for good.” When she was still alive, everytime the family will face big problems, she will just say the line with a smile in her face and without any hesitation. I really did not understand my Grandma then. Whenever I asked her about it, she’ll just answer me with this; you are still young, you can’t understand it by now. When my grandfather died, and I was 11 years old then, I really didn't understand my grandma. During the funeral, unlike other wives, my grandma really did not cry. Not because she had bad experiences with my grandpa (in fact, they’re together for 58 years) but because even she’ll cry, nothing would change she said. The reality is here, she said. There was a point at the burial that I told my grandma to cry, but she just smiled at me. I was really disappointed.
But now I know. Now I understand. Truly, the only thing to get into the reality of life is by understanding it and accepting the fact that all these things happening are just what life has to offer. We live, therefore we feel. And the best way to sum-up everything is by realizing that “life is not a problem to be solved, nor a happiness to be enjoyed, but it is a gift that we should just live with.”